I Refuse

I refuse to live in fear.

The culture I live in has created–out of its own faults and its own greatness–something that can so easily lead to a fearful life, a cynical life, a life in which the only hope is seemingly from escape.

But I will refuse that.

Some of you will bicker endlessly, refusing to listen to one another, refusing to even consider for one second that someone else’s point-of-view may be valid (maybe not 100% correct, but valid and with good points), refusing to think that maybe your truth and her truth and his truth are all true and real–albeit different.

Each of us lives a different life. Each of us has a different reality. And each of us can use a bit of “walking a mile in their shoes.”

Why don’t we band together this summer (and from here on out) to make this a life of love? To recognize the humanity in one another, no matter how difficult and heart-wrenching that may be in some situations. You will never understand fully “what it is like,” but that doesn’t need to stop you from practicing compassion, empathy, and genuine care.

Many of us have joined in on nutrition challenges, fitness challenges, challenges of all sorts. I think–taking a cue from a friend–it’s time to challenge ourselves towards a summer of love.

What say you?

It’s Impossible!

I finished up my last day of work today, and with the sun shining and smiles on the kids’ faces, it was a good day. And thank goodness for that. I had another one of those unfortunate “I just woke up feeling sad” mornings. Again, there was no reason behind it.

The last few days have been satisfying. In fact, yesterday I rented a two-person kayak and paddled around Greenlake with two friends (yes, we can count– we just switched out paddlers). Afterwards, a group of us ventured north to B’ham to wish the Super Ninja’s older brother a happy birthday. A good time, although I did get a bit flustered when met with a friend’s viewpoints with which I didn’t necessarily agree. Still, I have a few friends who are very passionate about their stances, and I am about mine, as well– I happen to also have a problem expressing myself on-the-spot, verbally, which I will address– so that wouldn’t have qualified as a mood-ruiner.

Oh well, I suppose my body doesn’t want me to be spunky and cheerful ALL.THE.TIME. I’ll let it slide since the mood vanished.

But back to my handicapped verbal expression of spontaneous thoughts regarding topics of which I am passionate– it’s another point in the possibility of having adult ADD.

A few days ago, I tried explaining to the Super Ninja why it is that some very smart people are incredibly disorganized and/or have bad hand-writing. I possess both of those characteristics, and as such, I tried coming up with an explanation. The best I could come up with was that some smart people have very rapid trains of thought and in the rush to get down all the information, the person disregards style and carefulness. As far as disorganization goes, that’s the same type of thing– they may be distracted, or go by a “good enough” mentality and simply remember where an object is in regards to other objects. Too many thoughts, not enough time.

Same thing goes for me trying to get good thoughts out in an instant. I’m an incredible writer because I have the time to think through a topic, get thoughts down, expand them, rearrange them, and revise them. However, on the same topic, speaking out loud, my mind will race, my mouth won’t keep up, then I get agitated, then I lose focus, get more agitated, get lightheaded (seriously), and ultimately give up. It’s also frustrating because I end up feeling so stupid after these situations. It’s like, “There’s the book-smart girl that sounds dumb when she talks!” I avoid verbal conflicts exactly for this reason.

A book I used for research a few years ago though basically said that what I experience is common in people with ADD– the lack of being able to express oneself, especially when upset. I have said it before, and I’ll say it again– I should probably get a formal diagnosis to confirm whether or not I have ADD. If I do, I won’t regard it as a disorder– it’s simply part of the complex personality little ol’ ‘Dith possesses.

Just a little tidbit for you all to chew on this Friday. If you’re in Seattle, make sure you enjoy the sunny weekend. If not, I wish you well!