Don’t Worry

I’m still here. Lifting my life away and learning new job functions. I’ve set a few new PRs, too, in the last few weeks, and hopefully I’ll have some time to blog and get things up to date soon.

No promises, but hopefully you all at least have a happy Friday. 🙂

Out of Left Field

“I’m a big fan of non-linear pathways.” – Ardith L. Feroglia, in many advising sessions

In that case, it should surprise no one that on October 2nd, I will leave my job at the University of Washington, take a week off, and then start a new position at Aduro in Redmond, WA. I accepted an account manager position and will continue to change lives (or crush dreams, maybe) by working on wellness programs and initiatives for clients (in a nutshell). I will also learn how to spell “initiatives” correctly on the first try.

Whoa, wait, hold up.

Did she just say she’s leaving higher education? As in, the realm for which she holds an advanced degree?

Oh. Well, yes. I will no longer be working within the context of a university; that part is true. I will be working in the private sector, and my line of work will be business-y and HR-y.


Oh, there’s always a “but.”

There are many ways to be a student affairs professional. Everything I learned about: involvement, engagement, transition, health, wellness, balance, advising, culture, context, intent, impact, and on and on and on–all of it still matters.

Is it not true that if we, as #SApros, believe that learning happens outside of the classroom, then learning should also (and does also) happen outside of the campus? And outside of the context of formal education? And that by teaching people to think and to learn that they will hopefully go on to do that forever? Well, at the least, I think these things are true.

I remain an educator, but just like I never envisioned myself as a traditional teacher, I don’t want to be boxed in by someone else’s definition of what an educator is.

There are many ways to stay authentic and true to myself. I learn, I read, I seek out information. I step outside of what’s known and what’s comfortable. I consider, I dialogue, I wrestle with uncertainty. I expand on past experiences and knowledge. I build. I grow.

This is not a departure, just like leaving Clark College wasn’t closing the book on something; it was the continuation of a journey. That’s what this is, too.

I’m forever thankful for the smart, thoughtful, and (dare I say it?) passionate colleagues I’ve met at the UW, as well as the opportunity to work at one of the most well-known and respected public institutions out there. Beyond that, I’m thankful to have met and worked with the some truly wonderful students; they will go on to do great things. (We are truly the #bestmajorever.) 

And now it’s time to shake things up again. So here’s to learning way too much about the commute to the east side, to digging up my sleeping business skills, to finding new problems to solve, to meeting new people, to learning new things, to furthering my professional growth, and to trying to just enjoy the ride. 

As the late Yogi Berra said, “When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

A photo of two young academic advisers, one in active wear and the other in a pea pod costume, standing with a cardboard Michelle Obama

Hard to leave this behind!

In Love and in Numbers

I’m starting to read this article that was shared with me via the all-campus email. It’s about love in the age of data, but there’s more to it, including the history of love and how we in the West have made love our unofficial religion and purpose.

And isn’t it so?

Does it feel like this blog was/is a testament to all the failed attempts at love I had in nearly three decades of existence? (For the most part, yes, plus a lot of learning and education in the formal sense.) Thankfully, what I learned from my mistakes (and frankly, the mistakes of others at my own expense) changed my trajectory and what I valued, and I luckily found myself in a partnership that feels unlike anything I ever experienced previously and also feels like exactly what I was searching for.

Anyhoo, read on for Love in the Age of Big Data, and enjoy your Friday.

If you’re looking for more recent musings, hop on over to my “less heavy on the emotional baggage, and way heavier on the weight plates” blog at The Average Athlete.

On This Day: Love and Loving

Today, the Supreme Court ruled that same-sex marriage is legal in all 50 states of the USA.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t happy. I am thrilled to know that all my friends can choose whether or not they want to marry. I didn’t find out about the ruling until a coworker told me; I was listening to Spotify on the ride in to work today. As the news continues to sink in, I am more and more moved.

I understand that I have friends from many walks of life, including walks of life that do not account for same-sex relationships as valid nor moral. They are struggling with what they define as their truth today, I am certain, and I hope that their hearts turn to love instead of hate. As one who is a free-spirited and progressive Catholic, I will pray for you.

Furthermore, I have many friends who come from walks of life in which they have not been allowed to live to their fullest. Today marks a step in the right direction, but we’re not done yet. Discrimination reaches further than legality of marriage, and we have a long road ahead of us in terms of making this world an equitable place for everyone. This goes for race, creed, orientation, gender identity, SES, etc. There’s a very long list, and it overwhelms me when I think about how I am just one very small player in this complicated world. However, we should celebrate the decision today. A conscious celebration is very much in order and overdue.

I also think about the parallels to the historic Loving v. Virginia decision. On June 12, 1967, the Supreme Court struck down anti-miscegenation laws, declaring that mixed-race marriages were legal. It seems so long ago, and in my lived truth, mixed-race relationships seem so normal.

But Loving v. Virginia wasn’t actually that long ago.

In fact, the ruling was only ten years before my parents got married.

One of the most well-known arguments against mixed-race marriage–at least, most well-known to me, who had to draw on it for a debate course back in the mid-2000s–came from the judge presiding over the original case. One NPR article summarizes that “Judge Leon Bazile wrote: ‘Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, Malay and red, and He placed them on separate continents. … The fact that He separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.‘”

Does that sound familiar?

What also sounds familiar, though, were the arguments in favor. The argument was made in the case that “The Lovings have the right to go to sleep at night knowing that if should they not wake in the morning, their children would have the right to inherit from them. They have the right to be secure in knowing that, if they go to sleep and do not wake in the morning, that one of them, a survivor of them, has the right to Social Security benefits. All of these are denied to them, and they will not be denied to them if the whole anti-miscegenistic scheme of Virginia… [is] found unconstitutional” (via NPR, 2007).

I think about these things, and sometimes, I find myself at a loss for words. The profoundness of the situation is not lost on me. This was recent history, and it changed the world.

When change happens, sometimes it is gradual, and sometimes it is sweeping. Today was sweeping, but not without precedent and not without gradually shifting attitudes. I hope that 40+ years from now, we can reflect back–as I often do on Loving v. Virginia–on the long-term impact and understand what we’ve done and what still needs to be done.

I leave you with this beautiful passage from the ruling today, with the hope that you do your part to spread light and joy in the world. Go in peace.


Indeed, it is.

It is so ordered.

Actually, You Aren’t Enough

Someone had to say it, and say it well. I’ve been trying to live in the moment, trying to celebrate each little step forward, and to think critically about what I truly want and hope for myself in this life. Nothing is 100% certain, that’s for sure, and nothing will come without failure. But failure doesn’t come without trying, and that’s the important part right now.

Sinclair Ceasar

You Are Enough.

Those three words frustrate me. I don’t always believe in them. For some of us, the goal of perfection has been a burden for quite some time. Some of us jokingly say things like I’m just a perfectionist or I just like to do it right the first time. Okay. I actually say those things all the time. But, when I fail, I kick myself and sulk. I restart the self-loathing process:

Step 1: Doubt my skills.

Step 2: Envy others who do what I do – seemingly better.

Step 3: Repeat.


Thanks to Twitter, I find myself scrolling through update after update from others who are killing the SA game. Heck, maybe some feel the same way when they peruse my statuses. My self-worth gets tied up into everything I haven’t done, and into every year of experience I don’t have in my field. I end up…

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And That Was It: 15.5 and the Close of the 2015 CrossFit Open

I’ve had some time to recover since the Open concluded on March 30th. Well, it concluded for me on March 27th because I had plans that weekend. I’m so glad this year’s Open is done.

15.5 was…

Row for Calories
Thrusters (95/65lb.)

Thrusters! Yay! (Kind of.) Rowing! Eh.

Nothing in 15.5 surprised me when it was announced. It was a for-time work-out, meaning I had to get through every single rep to earn a score. It had two movements which work the same muscle groups, which I knew would burn quite quickly. And so, I knew this would be a mental grind, and the longer I could hold onto the bar, the sooner it would all be done.

Last year’s 14.5 was very similar: 21-18-15-12-9-6 of thrusters and bar-facing burpees. Those were moves that weren’t technically too demanding, but moves that would nonetheless sap your energy levels and get you inside your own head. Last year, I unfortunately got sick right before the announcement of 14.5, and I delayed my attempt at the last WOD until I felt better. However, I was still stuffy and low-energy, so while it was my best showing in the 2014 Open, it was not a good time.

This year, I at least stayed healthy enough not to endure an Open WOD with a cold. Mentally, knowing that I was 100% healthy helped quite a bit.

Again, the for-time WOD resulted in my best placement overall and in the Region. While I am by far an average CrossFit athlete, I was able to tap into my slight advantage in the thruster, which is my shortness, working hard enough to at least displace my disadvantage in rowing, which is also my shortness.

15.5 concluded in just under 13 minutes for me, at 12 minutes and 58 seconds. Both my boyfriend and my coach were urging me to pick up the barbell as the clock approached 13 minutes, and I willed my light-headed self to power clean the bar, squat it, and push it back overhead as I stood up time and time again. Why I didn’t utilize a full clean into the thruster at this weight (65lbs.) is beyond me, and I wonder if I could have held on for longer sets. But I remember a competition where I “no-repped” my last thruster and finished nearly 20 seconds slower because of the missed attempt, so I’m confident that the way I broke up my sets was necessary. I broke up sets before failure, but I pushed myself in a way I only do in competition settings. I was able to quiet the pleading voice in my head that was urging me to wait three more seconds in-between everything. A different voice told it to shut up, because we’re getting this over with now. 

Well, it worked fine enough. End result? I was proud of my effort in 15.5; it felt like it made up for my disappointments in 15.2 and 15.3. It felt like I took control of the WOD, even while knowing it was going to be unpleasant. It felt like I had done my work throughout the year.

It felt like I was a legit athlete in the space I frequent. 

It also felt a bit like I was dying. I spent a good while rolling around on the ground, complaining about the burning sensation in my glutes. That was to be expected.

After I finally peeled myself off the ground, I rummaged around in my belongings for the giant maple bar I had taken with me from work. I wasted little time consuming about half of the doughnut, but not before I could get my commemorative photo taken. (Thanks, John.)

Another roller coaster ride of emotions and sweat in the books. I reveled in the conclusion of the Open, and then, a few days later, registered for my next competition.

It never really ends.

15.4: Upside-down and inside-out

A little late, given that the Open is now done. However, I’ll keep with the “tradition” and recap things individually. I started this just a few days after 15.4, so excuse my tardiness.

Before 15.4 was announced, I predicted handstand push-ups (HSPU) would be in the WOD. Given this year’s inclusion of several more demanding technical moves, I thought HSPU would be a given.

I was right.

15.4 was only an 8-minute AMRAP, but it comprised of HSPU and heavy cleans. It opened with HSPU, which meant for the second week in a row, the Open WOD began with a move I had never successfully completed at the Rx level.

Everyone knows I have a lifting bias; I understand the power lifts easily enough, and compared to the other things required in CrossFit, lifts are more natural. Granted, the Oly lifts are very technical, and much of what I’ve done in them up to now has been with some questionable form. Most people should also know that I tend to suffer from self-inflicted analysis paralysis, meaning that my perfectionism rears its head and I stunt my progress by getting bogged down in the details. Case in point, I’m currently stalled out in my Oly lifts at about 25lbs. under my maximum lifts while I work through eliminating an early arm pull. Meaning I can currently clean about 105lbs. with good form and have failed all but two or three attempts at 115lbs., which in the past few months was beginning to look like a routine weight. (A week after 15.4, I attempted lifts at 115, 120, and 125lbs., and I hit them all–the video showed, though, that I pull early, don’t extend fully, jump backwards, and all-around lose my form at those heavy percentages.)

Sigh. Anyway. 15.4 called for 125lb. cleans, which meant I was probably looking at an embarrassingly out-of-character struggle with the barbell.

Luckily(?), I never made it to 15.4’s barbell task at-hand. Instead, I managed to successfully complete an 8-minute crash-course in kipping HSPU. Inversions aren’t really my thing, as in, I have little idea as to how I’m oriented when inverted. So, slow and steady–as much as possible–in 8 minutes was the key. Thanks to the encouragement of my judge/boyfriend, I was able to finally lower myself all the way. Stuck upside down, there were only two options: fall over, or press myself back up against the wall. I could tell a strict HSPU wasn’t going to happen, so the only way up was with a kip.

I had watched a few 15.4 strategy videos, and one of them had some great tips on how to kip the HSPU. However, I couldn’t exactly invert myself and follow along while watching, so I tried to remember everything I watched. Most of my attempts were mistimed, and finally, there was one rep where everything came together, and I found myself at a point where I knew I could lock out and finish the rep.


That was all I would end up getting that night. I spent a few more minutes flopping around as my teammates seemed to magically absorb all the techniques and tricks of the HSPU, moving off the wall, onto that heavy barbell that likely would have eluded me anyway.

Now, don’t get me wrong–I was stoked to finally get my first Rx HSPU. But part of me was disappointed that I hadn’t taken the plunge into full range of motion earlier on. What was really stopping me? Fear? A stunted idea of progress in the move? Was I blaming perceived lack of strength when really it was fear of dropping down too fast?

Honestly, these are things that I wonder about a lot of the technical challenges now facing me. I don’t want to get fixated too much on one detail and stall myself out, and at the same time, I don’t want to bypass foundations in order get that heavier weight, to get that Rx motion, to get that faster time.

In other words, I need to find my balance again. It’s time to get a little more uncomfortable, and yet it’s also time to trust myself.

What am I waiting for?