Have You Caught On

I think my body’s caught onto my sly trick of trading corn syrup and refined cane sugar for raw honey and pure maple syrup and fresh fruits. To continue seeing results, I’m going to have to dig a bit deeper, I think; however, I’m impressed with how good I feel physically. I feel much more well-oiled. I only wish that it were sunnier so I could feel 100% well; maybe I am a plant in all actuality.

To the dismay of some, I’m back rooting around on OKCupid. It’s a lot of the same old “Hey girl, let’s hook-up!” messages, but I’ve had a few messages actually catch my attention. I think the oddest one was the message that read, “You seem intense. You’d probably get on my nerves.” My reply? “That is an accurate assessment.”

I’m not an easy woman to call a partner. Even in trying to describe myself, I find myself pairing opposites together. In fact, that task was too difficult to wrap my mind around, so I’m going to let any of you that know me in real life (or have dated me in one capacity or another) just draw your own assumptions.

I am intense. I don’t like to attempt anything 50%. That’s really what it comes down to, and my goals, emotions, dreams, whatever they are–nothing should be 50%. When I care about something, I’m all in.

I hate unfinished business. Unfinished business is perpetually un-whole. There’s no closure. And when something remains open-ended, it surfaces in my subconsciousness, day after day, night after night. I’m the type of person who can’t stand that kind of nagging feeling; if I can tackle it head-on, I will. But sometimes, it’s more complicated than that, and it’s not up to me to finish the story all by myself. I have to wait while the rest of the universe falls into place. Love, my career, even something like paying down debt–it all falls into this category. It’s all slowly unfolding, not yet finished–but more so in the state of becoming.

Even though I can’t control all the unfinished business in the world, I can do what I can to stride forward no matter what. After all, River Song keeps meeting her love in timelines that run opposite each other; does that stop her from being the ultimate bad ass? Nope. Not at all.

***
Did any of the above make sense? No? Okay. Fine. I stayed up too late last night, got up too early today, and spent the day shopping for grown-up things like work pants and shoes and a new handbag. Then, when I got home, I made a paleo-friendly honey glazed chicken with lightly-curried kale on the side. Afterwards, I tried to put my thoughts together into something that tackles a feeling that’s been bugging me on and off for months.

Thanks for bearing with me, readers. I think it’s time to watch more Lord of the Rings now.

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