The feeling when you remember that you’ve exceeded all your own expectations in absurd and bizarre and wonderful ways.
I can’t trade the mistakes I’ve made for anything else in this world. The resilience I display now is only the product of being let down and letting myself down over the years–paired with the very real experience of…
I was on a roll here, but then I noticed a spider on my wall, so I had to take care of it since I’m pretty terrified of spiders.
What I was getting at is this:
As a twenty-something, unmarried, just out of graduate school, still renting, carrying student debt, just getting back on her feet after several successive relationship fails, etc. and so forth, I am doing an outstanding job of navigating through this life. I could be in better shape, and I could be a better cook. I could volunteer more, and I could write more. I could pick up the performing arts more, and I could take better care of my health.
But overall, I am not failing.
As one of my good friends has recently said, “I have the life I never knew I wanted. God is good.” (Time to plug her blog: So You Wanna Be a Mom; we’ve been friends since 2nd grade, and we are doing different things, and she’s got to be one of the brightest and fieriest spirits this world has seen.)
And it’s true. I never knew I would take to the “big city” the way I have. I never knew I would fall in love with education all over again. I never knew I would rather work in public service than have a yacht. I never knew I would actually get to travel the world.
I caught up with a good friend tonight, after nearly three years of disjointed separation. We have both ended up in lives we never knew existed. And even so, we have ended up happy–not perfect, but happy with the unknowns and the variables we never knew existed.
There have been times in life that I’ve been close to giving up. I’ve been close to throwing in the towel and saying, “This is as good as it gets.” But I realize, day by day, that life doesn’t work that way, unless you let it. If I continue to seek out opportunity, and if I continue to find joy and laughter in the ordinary, and if I continue to explore–through travel and writing and conversation–then I am on my way upwards.
I’ll leave you with one last thought for tonight…
“Life is what you make it. Always has been, always will be.” – E. Roosevelt (or so the internet says)
Goodnight, so long, and until next time.