The Waiting Game(s)

I’ve got keys in hand for a new place in Portland. I have a job lined up. I have a date set for my portfolio defense. I’m registered for graduation (which, by the way, was sneakily moved from Saturday, June 16th to the afternoon of Sunday, June 17th to accommodate First Lady Obama).

I have yet to file my HR paperwork. I have yet to start packing up my apartment. I’m still polishing up my portfolio. And to top it all off, I’m sick.

And of course, what’s the one thing that’s really bugging me right now?

“When am I going to find a meaningful romantic relationship?”

You’re kidding me. Maybe it’s the anxiety around another transition, and maybe it’s that by focusing on something somewhat trivial, I won’t waste my energy in a full-blown meltdown over graduation and getting a new job and moving.

Rationally–and seriously, how often have I said this in the past year–I don’t have time for a relationship right now. Give me a few months to settle in, and then I’ll be ready to negotiate “When should we make dinner?” and “Do you want to go out with some of my friends tonight?” into my everyday routine.

Guys (literally talking to the guys right now), I would be charmed if you asked me out for a date. However, I would be just as flattered to join you and your friends out for a random night of sports and good food (or what have you). I still maintain that whomever I end up dating will have first been a good friend to me. After all, “friend” is the biggest component in “boyfriend.” What I’m saying is this: as I transition from Corvallis to Portland, get excited! Be excited that you have someone to visit in PDX or that I’ll be coming into Corvallis to hang out on weekends. Let’s not worry about details right now, folks; let’s worry about living it up (especially those of us that are still grad students).

The other thing that’s weighing heavily on my mind is: “When am I going to find time to travel? And where am I going to go?”

Again, this is something that really should not be at the forefront of my mind, but I cannot shake the notion that I need to get over to either Dublin, Ireland or Australia and New Zealand. Again, rationally speaking–I don’t have time for a big trip right now, and I certainly do not have the money. It’s a huge bummer knowing I might have to wait for up to a year to make another significant journey, and so I become impatient.

I have to remind myself, yet again, to stay mindful and enjoy the moment. I need to be okay with uncertainty and let the journey unfold. I am unstoppable, and reflection does not mean bringing things to a halt.

Okay. I’m good. Here I go again…

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