The Roommate and I always have great conversations. We both tend to spend time having side conversations via G-Chat, and it’s been a welcome release from some of the pressures I’ve found here in Corvallis.
As one can easily see, I’m very stressed out about my future job and about relationships. Even though I’ve told myself I’m taking time to focus on myself (and school and the job search), even though I’ve proclaimed a sabbatical from dating, even though I have had some hard yet rewarding conversations–I’m still frustrated by my apparent inability to maintain a healthy relationship. Granted, I am not in a place to be in a serious relationship. Something light and casual is better suited for me as I work through these next few months, but again, even though I’ve been saying that for awhile, it’s been problematic navigating several issues and aligning them with rational thought.
Roommate and I were chatting about this very problem, how what I know is right for me right now and what I want aren’t really lining up. She reiterated another friend’s philosophy on life.
Essentially, life is a river. Sometimes it moves quickly; other times, it moves slower. Right now is one of those slow times. Maybe I’m swirling around in an eddy of sorts, just upstream from what looks like an impressive set of rapids. In that river, there are folks that drift on by; sometimes I take note of their presence. Other times I don’t. Sometimes, someone ends up on the shore of my river of life; they stick around for however long they like. Or until I decide that they should continue on without me. Some of these are like rivers themselves–tributaries, perhaps–coming into my life in a harmonious way, never to leave.
Some say fate and destiny can only take you so far. What you decide to put effort and energy into, those friendships you choose to cultivate, the opportunities you choose to pursue–those are the things that will matter most. Our actions have value, and the passion and love I share for life will triumph. It may not feel like it now, but maybe it’s just time to appreciate the slow passing of this time. There is beauty in it, after all. Or… there is at least loads of potential.
As one of my mentors would say, “Water it, and something will grow.”