Okay. Awesome.

This week has been the most unproductive week. Ever.

I got home to Corvallis late on Sunday after flying back from the wedding weekend of a lifetime (yes, it was so good, I doubt even my own hypothetical wedding could top it). Monday, I woke up feeling like I had been run over by a bus. I was weak and tired and certainly felt under the weather, so I had to call in sick to my internship. Tuesday, I only felt like I had been mildly run over, so I was able to go about my daily activities and get through class.

Wednesday was my “me” day. I stayed in sweats all day, worked on some job applications, dabbled in homework, blogged for a bit, and watched all of the available episodes of Pan Am. It was a great lazy day–until I started feeling sick again. I had felt off all day, but then the sniffles set in, and yesterday was useless by all accounts. Luckily, ballet was canceled due to my instructor’s own illness, and I ended up sleeping all day, save for a doctor’s appointment and the class I had to facilitate at 5PM.

Today? Well, I slept most of today until I got up to meet with my counselor. I’m not sure it was the most productive talking session I’ve ever had because I felt pretty floaty and out of it the entire time. I rambled on and on about the wedding weekend, stating that the reception was so interesting because we didn’t dance and that I spent about three hours talking and reconnecting with all sorts of different people and friends.

My counselor stopped me there and said, “What does that tell you?”

And I realized that I’ve been feeling pretty down in Corvallis because my social network is so tiny. While I love my Corvallis friends a lot, the truth is, there are only a few of us, we’re all transplants to the area, and there is a lack of variety in things to do.

As the conversation continued, I mentioned something about how a job had closed at University of Hawai’i. My counselor asked me if I thought Hawai’i would be a good location for me to move to.

Ideally, yes. Realistically, no.

I don’t do well at starting over from complete scratch. I do my best when I have a good and varied network of people in a city. I would do fine moving back to Seattle, moving to Portland, or pursuing an opportunity in Los Angeles. The Bay Area is iffy, although I do have some friends in San Francisco.

This is the exact type of reasoning I need to remember during my job search. As much as I love traveling and being adventurous, I also love having a home base, a place where I can get a hold of someone that I know and go out and play. And I like being in places where those “someones” aren’t always the same. I like being in places where my “someones” can cross paths with each other and make new friendships, too.

It’s hard saying I can’t do it all. I’m not Wonder Woman, and I’m not the type of person who can just plunk down in a strange city and be okay. I can do that for a little while, a month or two or three, but longer than that, I need something more substantial. I’ve wrestled with this before, feeling isolated when I took my first job. My boyfriend at the time kept telling me to get out and meet people and make new friends, and I would cry and cry and try to explain that I couldn’t just do that. I was trying, but it was very difficult for me.

I like having a foundation, and I like branching out from there. That’s how I made it through my undergraduate career. That approach has worked to an extent here, but my networks in Corvallis are much smaller. I need to remind myself that this isn’t a weakness. This is how I operate, and I know myself. To be happy, I have to listen to myself and have faith that everything will work out in the end.

So, that said, watch out, West Coast cities and friends–I’m coming for you.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s