There’s a funny thing about heartbreak and me. It always seems to inspire me to do something.
When my high school boyfriend dumped me days before my biggest exams and piano performances, I hunkered down and gave the best performances of my life. I was brilliant.
When the Super Ninja wrecked my well-being the first time in college, I threw myself into more writing. The second time around, I bore down on schoolwork and strengthening my relationships with my parents.
With C, it was traveling the world and making it into graduate school.
This time, I’ve been awakened to a different side of myself. For the first time, I haven’t been able to focus on any one thing. For the first time, I’m trying to work on all aspects of myself: health, intellect, professional, personal, etc. I am trying to channel myself into becoming my full self, reaching my full potential.
I prayed for a game-changer. Ladies and gentlemen, I didn’t bargain for such a messy method.
I’m doing things I haven’t thought about for a very long time. I’m in ballet. I’m considering voice lessons. Music is coming back strong. I’m working out again. I’m eating well. I’m calling my friends when I need to talk. I’m crying when I need to. I’m trying to write (though I’ve had insane writer’s block for about two months now). I’m applying for jobs.
Let me say that last part again: I’m applying for jobs. In student affairs.
The funny thing about heartbreak is it makes me do things. And I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next eight months or so. I truly want to stay in the Pacific Northwest, but I really want to be in the city. And Portland is calling my name right now. I’m resisting because I’m thinking, “What if it’s too soon? What if I get my dream job in a dream city? And it’s just too soon?”
Then I travel. I network. I develop. I thrive. I make it work.
You can’t rush things in life. I can’t rush love, as it seems the universe wants me to focus on a couple of things, namely myself and being the best friend possible. (Yes, that’s a directed statement; and yes, you need to pick up your phone.)
I’ve never been the patient type, but from a spiritual standpoint, I think this may be my last hurdle in current sight. Can I develop the patience to let my journey unfold? Can I be okay with uncertainty? Can I let my story play out in real time, without skipping ahead?
Time will tell.