Funny Story…

There’s a funny thing about heartbreak and me. It always seems to inspire me to do something.

When my high school boyfriend dumped me days before my biggest exams and piano performances, I hunkered down and gave the best performances of my life. I was brilliant.

When the Super Ninja wrecked my well-being the first time in college, I threw myself into more writing. The second time around, I bore down on schoolwork and strengthening my relationships with my parents.

With C, it was traveling the world and making it into graduate school.

This time, I’ve been awakened to a different side of myself. For the first time, I haven’t been able to focus on any one thing. For the first time, I’m trying to work on all aspects of myself: health, intellect, professional, personal, etc. I am trying to channel myself into becoming my full self, reaching my full potential.

I prayed for a game-changer. Ladies and gentlemen, I didn’t bargain for such a messy method.

I’m doing things I haven’t thought about for a very long time. I’m in ballet. I’m considering voice lessons. Music is coming back strong. I’m working out again. I’m eating well. I’m calling my friends when I need to talk. I’m crying when I need to. I’m trying to write (though I’ve had insane writer’s block for about two months now). I’m applying for jobs

Let me say that last part again: I’m applying for jobs. In student affairs.

The funny thing about heartbreak is it makes me do things. And I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next eight months or so. I truly want to stay in the Pacific Northwest, but I really want to be in the city. And Portland is calling my name right now. I’m resisting because I’m thinking, “What if it’s too soon? What if I get my dream job in a dream city? And it’s just too soon?”

Then I travel. I network. I develop. I thrive. I make it work.

You can’t rush things in life. I can’t rush love, as it seems the universe wants me to focus on a couple of things, namely myself and being the best friend possible. (Yes, that’s a directed statement; and yes, you need to pick up your phone.)

I’ve never been the patient type, but from a spiritual standpoint, I think this may be my last hurdle in current sight. Can I develop the patience to let my journey unfold? Can I be okay with uncertainty? Can I let my story play out in real time, without skipping ahead?

Time will tell.

Don't worry too much about me.

 

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One thought on “Funny Story…

  1. acelebrationoflife says:

    I am working on the same thing Ardith, just letting things happen, I have been finding it isnt wise to push things, to try to make something fit where it doesnt, JUST BECAUSE YOU PLANED IT THAT WAY, TO FIT! I think that if we let things happen we will find something even more exciting, even more inspiring! I also thing it is a test or a lesson for our self, if we can accept the situation, or how something turned out we grow a little each time. For me it takes TOO much energy and stress to try to plan every step of the way. And if I try i find that I dont seem to enjoy the ride. So instead of talking about you, I talked about me (sorry) but I think it relates to what you are saying. Life is here and now! We cant worry about what the future will bring.

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