Sorry, Guys.

Over the past few days, I’ve been thinking a lot about guys and my dating history. I get a bit miffed when, in hindsight, I realize there are a lot of times I should have just walked away.

I complain about some guys in particular, how they mistreated me, or how they did or didn’t do this or that. But I think the real problem is me. I’ve never had the gall to be the one that says, “This needs to stop. I’m no longer feeling good about this. We’ve tried, and that’s enough.”

I always let it go on. And on. And on until it blows up into the “Worst Break-up, Version X.” I put myself in situations where I let people walk all over me.

It’s time I stand up for myself. It’s time that I put on my big girl pants and have a real conversation before something starts. Enough of the “I’m not sure,” or “I just think we should have fun.” Enough of the half-a**ing it. I am not a lady anyone should attempt something at only 50%.

I’m not saying I want a boring, plain vanilla, take-me-out-to-dinner-and-a-movie relationship. I want something that works for right now. I want to feel as if I matter, but I also want to feel as if what I’m doing, what I’m pursuing is worthwhile and respectable. I want my man to know that I’ve always been an academic and career woman, but even so, I’m the best darned thing since sliced bread to happen to him.

The good thing about the field I’m in is that there is support for many different faces of relationships. There are people who married young, people who married much later, those who really could care less about marriage, and [unfortunately, due to ridiculous laws] those that are long-time partnered and not legally permitted to marry. There are couples that live close, couples that live far away, and couples that Skype date and fly halfway around the world just to see each other.

There is no set “type” of relationship that I want, in terms of what it looks like logistically or on the outside.

What I want… no… need is something that validates me, respects me, supports me, and gives me good reason to put in my usual 110%.

I’m not a trophy you get to have just for trying.

I’m Ardith, and how lucky you are to have me.

So. Who thinks they can handle this?

5 thoughts on “Sorry, Guys.

  1. The T says:

    Exceptional, extra-ordinary and amazing should be your targets… it’s hard when there’s a million posers waiting for you to choose between the idiots and the losers…. strike out of your normal range of man…upgrade…we are out there…

    It’s not about us handling you..sometimes it’s about you attempting to handle the real men in the world… think you can? walk the walk…


  2. Josh Coray says:

    Well kiddo, I think the problem really is the state of both men and women. But as a guy, let me state my opinion of men down here in the states: most of them are not. I am so dissapointed in the crop of overgrown boys that roam the single dating world. They don’t know who they are, have few values, realist goals, drive, or respect for those they are involved in. And they don’t seem to learn very fast the basic lessons about how to act in a relationship.

    Coming from Alaska you have to generally deal with a small number of challenges to survive, far less then men have had to deal with on average if you go back 50 years. Now, without those challenges, the basic man seems to be… looking for the same level of difficulty in a life that really doesn’t have it. As if they manufacture problems instead of taking the effort to actually have a challenge in their life. This transferance seems to bleed into relationships, making them more difficult then they need to.

    In addition, they complain, as if there are real problems they are dealing with.

    And yet they survive, go from relationship and relationship because they took the time to come up with a good wardrobe and the ability to be what every girl wants…for about a week. Why?

    Because the can. It works.

  3. Josh Coray says:

    Because they can, sheesh, fat fingers and a smart phone don’t always mix. 🙂

    Long and short, there are not allot of quality guys, and part of that is because socially we don’t require it. There was a point where if a guy didn’t show up well dressed you didn’t still go on the date, you blew him of. If he was late, you nailed him for it. Today? Expectations are lower, so the average is lower.

    Ardith you are a stunning woman, cute, exotic with an awesome brain and personality. You are quite the catch. But with standards set so much lower with the milktoast crop of guys, you are going to have to date and date till you find one. I figure in the 3 years I was open to the public before I found Rosalie I dated (or went on a date) with about 100 women. That is allot, but I did find that one in 100 that really is a great match for me.

    Keep your standards (not demands) high, but feel free to move on until they are met. It might take a while but it will be worth it.

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