Over the past few days, I’ve been thinking a lot about guys and my dating history. I get a bit miffed when, in hindsight, I realize there are a lot of times I should have just walked away.
I complain about some guys in particular, how they mistreated me, or how they did or didn’t do this or that. But I think the real problem is me. I’ve never had the gall to be the one that says, “This needs to stop. I’m no longer feeling good about this. We’ve tried, and that’s enough.”
I always let it go on. And on. And on until it blows up into the “Worst Break-up, Version X.” I put myself in situations where I let people walk all over me.
It’s time I stand up for myself. It’s time that I put on my big girl pants and have a real conversation before something starts. Enough of the “I’m not sure,” or “I just think we should have fun.” Enough of the half-a**ing it. I am not a lady anyone should attempt something at only 50%.
I’m not saying I want a boring, plain vanilla, take-me-out-to-dinner-and-a-movie relationship. I want something that works for right now. I want to feel as if I matter, but I also want to feel as if what I’m doing, what I’m pursuing is worthwhile and respectable. I want my man to know that I’ve always been an academic and career woman, but even so, I’m the best darned thing since sliced bread to happen to him.
The good thing about the field I’m in is that there is support for many different faces of relationships. There are people who married young, people who married much later, those who really could care less about marriage, and [unfortunately, due to ridiculous laws] those that are long-time partnered and not legally permitted to marry. There are couples that live close, couples that live far away, and couples that Skype date and fly halfway around the world just to see each other.
There is no set “type” of relationship that I want, in terms of what it looks like logistically or on the outside.
What I want… no… need is something that validates me, respects me, supports me, and gives me good reason to put in my usual 110%.
I’m not a trophy you get to have just for trying.
I’m Ardith, and how lucky you are to have me.
So. Who thinks they can handle this?