Dec. 4th

Prompt: Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

The most notable thing that was in my control, in terms of wonder, was finally traveling to Europe. While over there, I immersed myself in several different cultures and took in architecture I rarely see back in the States. Europe was wonderful, and there is so much left for me to see there and in the rest of the world. However, it’s somewhat problematic– I seem to have cultivated a sense of restlessness and wandering, not just wonder.

On the uncontrollable side, I put myself back into the dating world. Unfortunately, I am currently in awe of the fact that I get myself into terrible situations in which my trust is often put to the test. At this point, should I close my heart completely off to men, or do I continue doing what I’ve been doing– that is, giving someone the benefit of a doubt and not letting suspicion rule my relationship?

I am in a continuous state of wondering what’s next and where I am going. I believe there is a reason everything happens, and I also believe that my control is somewhat limited. The universe has a funny way of kicking you back to where you should be, and often times, it’s very painful– like a kick to the stomach or chest.

I suppose I let myself cultivate wonder by constantly thinking about meaning. Perhaps I stress myself out too much over it, though. Either way, I’m no closer to any answers than I was at the beginning of the year, it seems. That’s alright for now.

On another note, I made it out to the Civil War today. It’s a shame the Giant Killers couldn’t deliver a 11-1 record to the Ducks, but what can you do? I had fun, and even was briefly interviewed on-camera for a second. I don’t think anything I said made sense, but that’s no matter.

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