I woke up in the strangest mood yesterday. Nothing could have caused it consciously because I had a great day on Wednesday. I woke up on Thursday with only the energy to cry. I burst into tears three times over the course of the day. I almost started crying at the bar, during karaoke. What a hoot.
I blame it on the Seattle clouds; forget “Seasonal Affective Disorder,” I have “Seattle Affective Disorder.” Yet I can’t get enough of the PNW (and London).
Maybe it’s hormones. Hormones and clouds. (Is there an emo band called that yet? If not, there should be, but they have to be from Seattle.)
Then again, it’s probably a combination of everything I’ve already mentioned and personal stress. Life is a bit more difficult than normal right now– then again, what’s “normal” supposed to be? Deliriously happy? I don’t think so.
The difference between myself and some unhappy/angry persons out there is that I understand that life isn’t always going to be peachy-keen. Life will downright suck sometimes. Remember when I lived in a city I hated? Or that time I got dumped?
That’s life. (And it’s okay to cry.)
It’s okay to have days when I feel lonely and have to count every tiny blessing. Those are the days that, once I finally get through it all, I am that much stronger. This year, I came to terms with being both vulnerable and strong. I am not just human, I am a beautiful human being, and I am someone capable of making a difference in others’ lives. Yes, my feelings will fluctuate from day to day, so be patient with my emotions– that’s meant for all of you and myself to heed– and understand that overall, I am happy.
I have a personal belief that maybe the reason bad things happen to good people is because those are the people who someone/thing out there believes strongly in– life is not perfect, and we are tested often, and I am one of those people who can withstand, endure, and ultimately learn.
But, like the song says, “I could really use a wish right now.”