Seeing that I’m single, available, and in my mid-twenties, I thought this would be a good time to lay down some ground rules for dating this fine lass.
SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP QUESTION #1:
Can you envision yourself as a stay-at-home father?
If the answer is no, we cannot be together. It’s as simple as that. The ideal man will be willing to sacrifice his income in order to tend to the home and any potential offspring (and any creative projects he deems fit). He will also be willing to provide dinner in some way, shape, or form, and I will accept Chinese take-out at least once a week. The stay-at-home father will understand that I am willing and capable of being the bread winner, and in exchange, I will adore him for being caring and wonderful.
SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP QUESTION #2:
Are you awesome?
Because I am.
SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP QUESTION #3:
Do you like adventures?
Adventures show me that you like to get out and explore and really live your life. Teach me how to adventure with you. Let me take you on new adventures, too. I use the word “adventure” loosely, and it can be anything, like eating sandwiches on the beach, rockclimbing, teaching me to ride a bike, or finding a bubble tea joint in the middle of nowhere. I’m a very random person, and you should be, too.
SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP QUESTION #4:
Do you have a good sense of humor?
Humor paired with intelligence is usually a good sign that we’ll get along. You can’t be an idiot, and you sure as heck cannot be apprehensive about jokes, laughter, and awkwardness.
SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP QUESTION #5:
Are you awesome?
And if you’re asking yourself why I asked this question twice, we may have a problem.