Wistful

Flipping through photos– well, “clicking through aimlessly” is more accurate, but that just doesn’t sound the same. Let’s try that again.

Flipping through photos, old and new, I could hear a clock ticking. Not in real life, but symbolically. Bear with me here. Somewhere, buried in the rubble of countless tears and sleepless nights, there is nearly a year lost. It’s in there, and I don’t think I want to find it. I’ll keep some of the scraps that are oddly shaped and remind me of the good moments. Other than that, I’d prefer to forget it.

It’s been alright. Like I’ve said a billion times before, though, when you set out to find yourself and set aside two whole years to do so, it’s a downer to realize what your life’s passion truly is only 3 months into this “journey.”

And now, with almost a year already gone, I think I’ve wasted some valuable time working on other things. Did I learn another language? No. Did I improve my dance and/or cheer skills? In a way, but I didn’t perform, and I have a few more years left before I fall apart. Did I even try my hand at writing something funny? Nope. Surely I wrote a few good pieces of poetry, right? Negative.

Uninspired: this is my quarter-life crisis. I get excited about the prospect of something new, but then I get sucked in by my comfort zone. Then I get bored. Then I stay bored. And then nothing comes of it.

I hate this feeling. I know what I want next, but I don’t know when. I don’t know where I’ll go. I don’t know if I’ve missed a life-changing opportunity.

What I do know is this: I’m going to be okay. So what if I have $16k in student loans? It’s an investment. So what if I live in a crappy studio? My lease will end, and I will leave it behind, and I will find somewhere that makes me happier.

My life would be a decent stub of a Wikipedia article.

“Not quite a child prodigy, Ardith was talented in many areas[…] From June 2008 through September 2008, Ardith took it upon herself to live in what she would often refer to as ‘the worst city in the world.’

CAREER
She once told a friend, ‘I’m not famous because I just don’t have a specialty.’ Ardith spent her life as a well-rounded individual, excelling in many areas, but never reaching the level necessary to make a living off any of her said talents.”

But talent isn’t always equal to passion, and I know where I should go next.

Oh yeah, old photos. The great thing about what I want to do is I’ll hopefully be getting to work with college students– you know, those individuals who have that new-found swagger, those stars in their eyes, and who can have the whole world (often times, for a nominal fee. For me, it was $16k. Anyway.). I hope it will keep me young at heart while growing wiser every year.

In the meantime: Crossing my fingers to get out of this emotional valley.

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